she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
