No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
