This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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