The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
