His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
