i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
