All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
don't judge my taste in strippers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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