laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
