Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
