Already got asked if we're dating
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
