you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
