8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
