I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
