Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
