If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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