he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
