apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
