Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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