I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
