I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
