i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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