Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
