god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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