There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
