My sheets look like a crime scene.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
