i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
