Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
