He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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