i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
