You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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