whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
