sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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