I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
