No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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