Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
