Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
