took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
