I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
