3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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