I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
