i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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