so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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