we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
