don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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