I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
