Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
