Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
