just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
