Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
