im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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