I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
